Mindful Giving: Fostering Self-Generosity to Nourish the Body and Mind

There is so much value in being generous. It benefits both the receiver and the giver in that it lets others know that we care for them and can foster a deep sense of interconnectedness. In fact, scientific research shows that there is a neural link between generosity and happiness. By being generous, we can actually increase our own happiness, which in turn, motivates us to be more generous. It’s a win-win situation.

However, when we call to mind a recent generous act of ours, what usually bubbles up to the surface is something that we did for another. It can take a bit of “digging” to remember the last generous gesture we extended towards ourselves. From a biological perspective this makes sense because we are hardwired to be kind and caring to others. But given human conditioning, we are often toughest on ourselves.

The good news is that with mindfulness we can leverage the playing field so-to-speak. We can notice our lack of generosity towards ourselves and that awareness is what opens the doorway to cultivating greater self-generosity. It grows with practice. The more and more we practice being generous to ourselves, the more we create new neural pathways that allow us to continue our momentum for self-generosity and to promote joy in our lives.

Here are just a few ways for how you can nurture self-generosity:

1. Attention – Take moments throughout the day to notice where your attention is. We spend a lot of time focusing our attention on others, such as our clients, family and friends, but we often forget about ourselves. From the moment when our alarm clock wakes us up in the morning, our mind starts attending to all that we have to get done. The next time you wake up in the morning, before getting out of bed to tend to your to-do list, allow yourself to spend a few moments to attend to YOU. Notice how it feels within the body and how it is in the mind. As much as possible, let go of any judgment. When we allow ourselves to purposely pay attention to our present moment experience with greater kindness and curiosity, we can take better care of ourselves. It doesn’t take that much time or effort and is a really wonderful way to begin our day.

2. Thoughts – Notice some of the things you habitually tell yourself. While we are generous with offering words of kindness to others, we are prone to beat ourselves up with negative self-talk. But we can promote positive self-talk by allowing ourselves to notice our inner narrative. Sometimes just that alone can help loosen the grip that our thoughts have on us. When you notice your inner-critic, see if rather than judging yourself, you can instead remind yourself that you are doing your best and that, in and of itself, is good enough.

3. Sensations – Although we are within a body, in all of the doing we do day to day, we are often disconnected from our bodies. We can achieve a sense of embodiment and develop a deeper appreciation for how generous the body is in all that it allows us to do when we give ourselves moments to feel into the body. One way to do this is to simply rest attention on the actual felt sensation of the breath moving through the body. See for yourself – invite the eyes to gently close and bring a curious, kind attention to how it actually feels to be breathing, without having to change or control the breath. You may notice that after letting attention rest in this way for even just a few cycles of breath you feel more at ease and present.

4. Time – We clock long hours at our desks trying to resolve issues and find solutions for our clients and often feel guilty in taking time to rest. But, it’s so important to be generous in giving ourselves “downtime.” As best explained by Jon Kabat-Zinn, “It is indeed a radical act of love just to sit down and be quiet for a time by yourself.” In the morning, rather than multitask, see if you can try drinking your hot cup of tea or coffee in silence, without having to do anything else, such as listen to the news, send a text message, look at your calendar or make telephone calls. Give yourself the gift of time to just be with your beverage so that you can really savor and enjoy the moment. Even small moments really do add up in big ways!

5. Sleep – Many of us are less than generous in letting ourselves get enough sleep. In all that we juggle in any given day, it can be a real challenge to step out of doing-mode. We have a tendency to want to get more and more done. But it is so important to get a good night’s rest and can help us to skillfully respond, rather than react, to the moments of our lives. So, the next time you say to yourself, “I’m just going to bang out one more email,” do yourself a favor and shut down. Know that in disconnecting, you are allowing yourself to recharge so that when you return back to doing all that it is that you do - whether responding to an email or preparing for a big event - you can do it from a more refreshed physical and mental space.

For more tips on how to nourish yourself and deepen your moment to moment awareness, please visit my website.