Finding Space to Foster Deeper Self-Care in a Time-Starved and Judgmental World
It is hard to believe, but here we are approaching the second month of 2024. Along with February can often come a lot of self-judgment because we tend to judge ourselves by whether we have done a “good” job or not at sticking to our New Year’s resolutions. Many of us set goals to develop a healthier lifestyle, such as to eat better, exercise, get more sleep, meditate, and so on.
Even though we are just a mere month into the New Year, for some of us, life seems to have already gotten in the way of our plans to foster deeper self-care given all that there is to tend to both in our personal and professional lives. As a litigator, mindfulness teacher, wife and mother to three very active little boys, I understand just how challenging it can sometimes be to carve out “me” time. But, I also recognize the importance in prioritizing self-care. When we are not in a good mental or physical space, we tend to fall into reactivity and in turn, are less able to care for those around us, both our family and our clients.
It goes without saying that we are living in an increasingly fast-paced world and just trying to keep up with the demands of daily life in and of itself can feel really exhausting, if not insurmountable, at times. So, the mere thought of having to fit in, yet, another item on our to-do list in the midst of everything else can overwhelm us, especially when we feel as though we do not have the ability to slow down and there are not enough hours in the day to get everything done. While it does take some effort to pause from the busyness of our world to practice mindfulness meditation, as counterintuitive as it may sound, it actually helps us to create space so that we can step out of reactivity and be present for each new moment. That is what can help us to slow down the pace of life and to more fully enjoy it.
However, corporate culture seems to discourage us from slowing down and instead, values long hours and places a high emphasis on continuous work. In fact, in a recent article, the Chicago Tribune discussed how overworked and exhausted lawyers have become in this country due to legal culture actually promoting overwork especially in the large law firms known collectively as “Big Law.” An American Bar Foundation study found that although the median work week for a lawyer is fifty hours, over 40 percent of those in large firms worked sixty hours a week or more, and many lawyers brag about how overworked they are as a sort of badge of honor. Big Law lawyers work so many hours, in part, because the economic organization of the large corporate firms requires attorneys to bill anywhere from 2,000 to 2,200 hours a year. Statistics such as this can easily leave us feeling like billing machines, compounding the stress that we feel from the underlying cases themselves and creating obstacles for us to weave in self-care practices.
The truth of the matter is that it is those very moments, when perhaps we feel like we have so much that needs to get done, or we find ourselves in constant doing-mode, that we can most benefit from giving ourselves moments to rest and notice just how hard we can be on ourselves. In all of the doing that we do day to day, let alone moment to moment, we often are totally unaware of how critical we are of ourselves. We tend to believe our inner narrative, which more often than not, is not an accurate take on reality. By giving ourselves moments to practice mindfulness meditation, we can begin to notice our habitual pattern of berating ourselves and that awareness is what offers a choice point. We can instead choose to be more kind and compassionate towards ourselves and open more deeply to the present moment with greater clarity and ease.
So how do we consciously cultivate greater awareness in daily life, given our insanely busy schedules, and become more present moment to moment? With practice! By practicing formal mindfulness meditation, such as a sitting meditation, body scan, or walking meditation, even if it is for just a small amount of time each day, we begin to experience its benefits. It does not mean that we need to spend necessarily thirty, twenty or even fifteen minutes each day practicing meditation. And, it is not an “all or nothing” approach. “Small glimpses many times” really do add up in profound ways.
By paying attention with a sense of patience and curiosity, we can cultivate more of the feel-good qualities, like kindness and compassion to ourselves, as well as others, with practice. As a result, we not only deepen our ability to focus on our work and optimize performance, but we also strengthen our ability to nurture ourselves and let go of some of our judgmental tendencies. It really is a win-win. To taste the fruits of the practice, I invite you to join me in a guided mindfulness meditation next week for just 15 minutes on Tuesday, January 30, 2024 at 12:30 pm (ET) via Zoom. If interested, please find the Zoom link below.
https://Jefferson.zoom.us/j/95409363161
To join by phone: +1 646 876 9923 US
Meeting ID: 954 0936 3161