Feeling Anything but Grateful? Embrace “What Is” with Care and Kindness
As we approach Thanksgiving, messages of gratitude seem to increasingly surround us. It’s a time when we are often told that we should be grateful for what we have, and we are encouraged to open our hearts to joy and abundance. But what if, instead, we find ourselves grappling with difficult emotions or challenging thoughts and we're not feeling particularly joyful or grateful? What if warmth and gratitude feel out of reach and we find ourselves somewhat shut down?
In those moments it is important to acknowledge and validate what is arising for us, rather than forcing ourselves to feel something other than what we are in the moment. The truth of the matter is that sometimes life can be really challenging - be it the demands of our jobs or dealing with difficult people in our lives. It can leave us feeling closed off, overwhelmed, or even disconnected from ourselves, as well as others.
The act of embracing ourselves - just as we are - becomes not only an act of courage, but a profound expression of self-compassion. We can, with a light of mindfulness, invite ourselves to pause and check in on ourselves. As much as possible, we let go of judgment and allow our present moment experience to be as it is, without having to fight our experience or otherwise give ourselves a hard time for the way we feel in body or mind.
Mary Meduna-Gross, Ph.D., an executive wellbeing coach, recently joined me on the latest episode of the Conscious Corner Podcast with Annie + Courtney. We discussed cultivating self-compassion by embracing our experience as they are, without feeling the need to change the situation or ourselves. As Mary explained, with an attitude that is curious, kind and gentle we can acknowledge that, “Hey, in this moment, I’m suffering.” The ability to give that a voice and hold space for our experience, rather than invalidating what we are feeling, is what makes us more resilient to even the greatest of challenges.
During our conversation, Mary also discussed how, as leaders working in really high-pressure environments, we don't permit ourselves to be present with our emotions. But when we can turn towards what is creating some difficulty in our lives with kindness we strengthen our inner resources and can become more resilient. One way we can enhance resilience is with a powerful practice known as "Self-Compassion Break" and it involves three steps:
Mindfulness: Acknowledging and validating what we’re feeling without judgment.
Common Humanity: Remembering that we’re not alone in our struggles.
Kindness: Offering ourselves the same care we would extend to a dear friend.
We also explored how, when we are struggling, we tend to feel a sense of loneliness - we may think that we are alone in our problems - which inevitably can amplify our suffering. As best explained by Mary, “When we’re in that painful space, we feel alone because we don’t feel safe enough to talk about it." But, when we can gently explore difficult emotions and sensations with care and compassion, we can begin to notice a shift in how we feel and think. We gain a deeper understanding of ourselves and find more wholesome ways to support ourselves.
Finally, Mary and I spoke about the ripple effects of compassion - how loving ourselves can foster greater connectedness in the world around us: “When those hurt pieces come up, we can choose to own them, love them, and let them dissolve. That’s how kindness ripples outward. It starts with us.”
So, as you prepare to celebrate Thanksgiving, I invite you to honor wherever you find yourself - whether that’s feeling gratitude, navigating challenges, or perhaps a little of both. Through the practice of self-compassion, we can recognize that even in the most high-pressure moments, resilience and connection are possible when we show up for ourselves with kindness.
If you would like to practice extending kindness to yourself, on behalf of Jefferson’s Center for Mindfulness I invite you to join me for a free, 15-minute guided mindfulness practice via Zoom on Tuesday, November 26th at 12:30 pm (ET).
In addition, on Thanksgiving Day from 4-4:15 pm (ET) via Zoom I will also be leading a short, guided mindfulness practice. All are welcome!
If you can’t make either session, but are interested in learning more about mindfulness, connect with me HERE -- I'd love to talk to you about other mindfulness opportunities.
Wishing you a mindful and compassionate Thanksgiving.
#Mindfulness #SelfCompassion #Resilience #Connection #Gratitude #Thanksgiving2024 #MentalWellbeing #PersonalGrowth #MindfulLeadership